Caring for Alzheimer's

Posts Tagged ‘brother’

A 91-year old lady was in tears and noteably being mistreated by her ‘caregiver’; My sis and I asked the elderly lady if she needed help with this, and she puckered up, tears starting to roll, as she said "Yes, I would…it’s SOOOO hard". The receptionist at the hospital where were were was also a witness to this as, was several patients. My sis—who is VERY outspoken—got in the caregiver’s FACE and said, "How would YOU like to be in the clutches of someone like YOU?"…to which she told my sister to butt out. My sister said, "Oh No! I will NOT butt out! You’ve got a stickey wickette on you now lady! You will not abuse anyone again—not on my watch!
…& we found out the name of her boss and the phone #, to which my sis called her boss right there. I got called into see my sergeon, but the drama continued (My sis said that after I left, she talked to the boss of the ‘caregiver’ and the boss started to protect the C.G (ofcourse) and the C.G. came over to my sis and yelled to her boss (over the phone)…."she called me a B****!"…and my sis said to the boss…"I sure did, but I wouldn’t have called her that if she hadn’t been one,,,but she WAS a B*****!" and I have witnesses…. You can’t call my supervisor, bcz I don’t HAVE ONE….I am not an employee here…and most of the witnesses aren’t either! We are BY-STANDERS WHO REFUSE TO STANDBY & watch this abuse!" …& THIS PHONE CALL IS NOT The last you’ll hear of it either."
Then, the old lady wanted to call her brother…(WHO I guess pays the caregivers just over FIVE FIGURES per year to take care of his sister..but who, the lady says has told her (he) wishes she would DIE!" So, my Sis dials his # for the 91-yr old lady, and she talks & cries to her brother. (The delimma is now my Sis knows she’s got the brother’s # in her phone (from the call), and wonders if he would help the old lady …. or would this cause her problems (if he really has said he wishes she would die)? I think she should tread very lightly since the relationship of the brother & sister could be very VOLITILE…and she should contact the head/director of the caregiving company. She has alread gotten the hospital on it— (& those people don’t take this stuff lightly at ALL!)…could be she’s done enough.
I think now, we should just offer the lady up to God and let go. She has no way of getting hold of the lady anyway —- excepting thru her brother (great!) The hospital is not going to forget about it anyway…& they’ll find a way to get hold of her.
It’s just so sad, that people who once were vital people, end up so alone and so "brow-beaten". She was once a model in Chicago for Clairol….. OMG! and here she is scared, tiny, humped-over, using a walker instead of the wheelchair she should have been in, just because the caregiver said taxi-drivers don’t pick-up ppl in wheelchairs as quick as they do ppl with walkers. So, this one-time model with RAVEN Black hair (she told us), is at everyone’s mercy and "living" only because of God’s ‘good’ graces. What "Grace" is this?
Should my sis call the brother? …and if you think so, what should she say to him? OR>>>should she leave it where it is? and offer it up?

Hi. I’m 16 years old and right now I have a lot on my shoulders. First, I have school and grades to concentrate on, but right now they are dropping a lot. See, I take care of my grandma. She has dementia/Alzheimers and I don’t know if you have ever known anyone with that or taken care of them, but it can be really hard and stressful. My day consists of getting up, getting ready for school, getting my brother off to school, and then leave to go to school. Try not to let my grades drop, then come straight home, cook dinner for my brother, and leave right after that to go over to my grandma’s house. Stay over there until six. I take my homework with me and try to do it over there, but it never works. She asks me the same question every 2 minutes, and I have to clean her house and cook her dinner as well, while my grandpa is at work. Then I come home, and feed my dogs, and finally eat dinner, get my shower, and try to finish as much hw as possible. It’s hard and stressful, and I will admit some days I just break down crying because of all of it. I don’t ever have time to hang out with my friends, and on the weekends, I try to catch up on work, and then go out and run errands for myself. I also babysit my cousins 2-3 times a week, to get some money and help my aunt out. So instead of coming home from watching my grandma at 6, I leave and go straight over there to babysit until 10. that’s when she gets home. A lot of my friends are getting mad at me and started not talking to me, because I haven’t had time to spend with them, and say I have too much on my shoulders. Sometimes I feel I should just drop out of school because my grades are going from straight A’s to straight D’s and a few F’s. I don’t think my teachers understand what all I go through at home. My mom has depression and can’t do much, so I basically run the house. Along with all that, I also have health problems, which stress only makes worse. I am hypoglycemic, and if I skip just one meal, I can pass out, which it’s really easy for me to skip meals a lot of the time, because I’m so busy, and I’ve just skipped breakfast before, and actually passed out at school. I also have anxiety which stress also makes it worse because it gives me anxiety attacks. I’m not on any meds right now, but I’m considering it. Anyways I know this is long, but I’m in desperate need of advice. What should I do? Continue doing all of this, or do I just need to focus on school. If I stop taking care of my grandma I don’t know who will be able to. Please help. I really need some advice here, so stressed out.

Can a young couple’s marriage last a mother-n-law with alzheimers and 17 year old mentally challenged brother that lives with them? Its been a year and the marriage is struggling a bit due to the circumstance. The couple also has a 11 month old.
Well the baby was planned well before finding out the MIL had Alzheimer’s since she is still in her early 50′s, they couldn’t determine what she had. But all her family lives across the US, there isn’t anyone that lives in IL. The family barely calls or come to see her for that matter. So the stress is alot for the husband.
A far as the assisted living, the husband whats to do it till he can’t anymore. And its very hard for him. The wife brought the assisted living situation up, but I guess he didnt listen to her. Considering she is moderate/severe she needs help with everything and he works sometimes 12 hours a day.

I divorced my ex amicably 2 yrs ago. We lived 1 mile from each other, and I didn’t fight for primary custody, we went for joint. All good, right? Well, I moved back in with my parents 18 months ago, and my ex and his new wife and kids moved to the opposite coast. My father and my brother have criticized me repeatedly about not fighting for custody of my son.

This is painful for me. My mother was never any help in caregiving for my son, but my ex had a big family ready and willing to help. Not only was my mother not a help, but she put me through emotional abuse from 12 to about 15. Right around 15 I was old enough to tell her to screw off, lol……but when my son visited me over spring break, my mother called him an asshole, because he was playing with and therefore working up her dogs. He was not mean to the dogs, he was playing.

My father knows my mother is this way, but still holds it against ME that I don’t want my son raised with her. And my bro doesn’t get it.

my father has alzheimers and i lived out of state.my b rother was helping but wanted to sell my dads house .i told him i would move in and we can take turns until we figure what to do about long term care. my brother took him food shopping a couple of times and has not returned and is doing nothing to help. iam alone caring for my father with alzheimers and iam no longer able to care for him physically or mentally. is there anything i can do? just left his father and brother to basically rot away!!!!

Oh boy… I just got off the phone with my brother who’s older than me. I really touched a bad nerve of his. Here’s the story. My mom suffered a mini-stroke during the summer and she’s still living at home. I’m the main caregiver here in the city because my siblings all live outside the city. My brother is the only one who spends the summer here at the cottage so he’s able to look after my mom a couple days a week, while for me it’s every day. Anyway, my sister-in-law talked to my mom about her "options" (living at home, assisted living, nursing home) while my mom was in the hospital. I wasn’t there to discuss this. Tonight, I told my brother how upset I was about this and he was just fuming. He said that they’ve been married 30+ years and that my sister-in-law had the right to discuss the options because she wasn’t making a decision. I told him that my sister-in-law isn’t here to do the caregiving but he then answered that he is so that counts. He said that he refuses to tell her what I said and that I could call her myself to discuss this. He then said that if I do that, she won’t want to talk to anyone in the family anymore. He said that he doesn’t want to limit what she can or can’t say and that he’s tired of filtering everything.

To keep the peace, I wrote him an email telling him that I’m sorry if I offended him (even though he blew up at me but we we’re both tired). I want to maintain our family relationships intact and family support is very important right now. Did I do the right thing?
I also added that I appreciate his help and my sister-in-law’s help (even though I find her nosey at times).

She has not been declared mentally incompetent, she can write and sign her name, but insists on giving her children the money in her bank accounts because she doesn’t want the government to get it because of what happened on Wall Street and she is paranoid. She also lived through the Great Depression. Can we accept this money? And what happens if she has to go into assisted living or nursing home? She gets a good amount per month from SS.
My brother has a durable power of attorney for her financial affairs but she INSISTS on giving all of us money as GIFTS to help us out on our mortgages and such. We just don’t know whether to accept it or not. I did research and it says she can give up to 000 per year. I don’t think she’ll have to apply for Medicaid because of her income and other savings and she’ll also have VA benefits if she has to go into assisted living. We are so confused.
I meant to say 000 per child or grandchild per year is what I’ve been told.

My mom owns her house worth 0.000 and it is paid for. She owes ,000 in credit card debt and can’t really afford to live there but she don’t want to leave. My mom said she has Alzheimer’s Disease 18 months ago. My brother is mentally ill and takes care of mom all day. I feel he should be in a group home but she don’t want to do without him. I realize the cost of agent to sell house and get carpets vacuumed and clean well will be an expense but what else should I expect to pay for when selling house?

My Grandma died, my father and mother took care of her for years, none of my uncles or aunts called her for mother’s day, her birthday nor cared to visit her.

Now that she’s gone, my father’s older brother decided to ask my father for some of her money. My father doesn’t have it because of all these years he took care of her, spent her money on her clothes, food. My grandma had a house she let people rent in Texas before she got alzheimers. When she got alzheimers my father sold her home to him for a dollar and then just sold it. my grandma didn’t need the home and my father didn’t want it neither. the money was spent on her medical bills etc.

when my uncle (my dad’s older brother) told us that he wanted my grandma to visit us. (At this time she already had alzheimers)

It turns out…he left her with us, then told us "if you dont want to take care of her then put her in a home"

My mother isn’t the type of person who will put someone in a home because you know that sometimes they don’t treat the elderly right. Besides how terrible would you feel if your family puts you in a home because your too much of a burden. That’s sad.
my mother had to work 12 hour shifts and come home to take care of my grandma who had alzheimers. It was hard for my parents, my father had to retire early and give up a lot to help my mother take care of my grandma.

I was young at the time, well to make this short.

My uncle, the man who never called or visit his own mother is now sueing us. Funny thing is…this man didnt even stay for the funeral and his family walked in and didn’t go up to see her in the coffin

Now he is sueing us.

We just found out from my dad’s other brother that my uncle (the one who is sueing us) Made my grandma sign a will before he took her to come live with us.

So we need to see this Will (if there is one) and a copy of the deed to my grandma’s house (before she ‘sold’ it to my father) we are trying so hard to get all these documents and fight this case.

my father has the copies of her doctor bills, checks, the cost of daycare (if we did put her in a daycare) etc.

So please help us!
Is there a Website or a Library that would have all the info? like something Public? and if not then where would we be able to go to find this information?
my grandma died THREE WEEKS AGO. so it’s not that long. this was a rumor about my uncle making her sign a will.

My grandma use to live in Texas then she moves down here in Chicago.

so i have no clue when or where he had her sign at.

my dad is trying to get his paper work ready

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to sneak outside but opening and closing the back door,hes 97 and has severe alzheimers disease he knows im watchng him through my open bedroom dor and is waiting for the chance for me to close it sos he can sneak out.the man is volitile when angered so i stay as far away from him as i could.he needs a home badly but my younger brother says NO WAY,i guess im going to have to get used to daddios bad temper and venomous tounge.this man has been reported to the stte of new york by the health care agency we have,he once dragged my mother out of her hospital bed that we had for her,she was an invalid and was incontinent.he took her by her legs and yanked her off her bed as she slept,mom has passed away last may this happened 2 yrs ago with the pulling mom out of bed.we cannot do anything to get my dad good care in a home.hes here with me on weekends alone.during the week theres an aide here.i am getting fed up with my dads crap,hes a silent person you cannot hear him.i want out so bad its killing me.
what i meant to say is that i cant stand dads insaniy anymore im ready to crack.hes attacked me already three times.brother dearest doesnt give a poop.
i am going to be 70 this september.
oh,and i cant move out either,they ( my brother,his office secretary,the home care aide) want me as his weekend aide,im ready to scream.

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