Caring for Alzheimer's

Posts Tagged ‘grandparents’

My grandmother has had Alzheimer’s for the past 11-12 years. My mother and I think my grandmother is entering the final stages.. she talks infrequently (but still shouts when she’s upset), doesn’t smile often, wants to go to bed more often and is completely incontinent. She can still eat and walk, but her muscles are weak and a neck pillow is used for head support.

I’ve been her caretaker on and off in the past. My mother is currently the sole caretaker, but it’s getting to the point that she can’t do it alone. She’s a small-framed woman, and not physically capable of lifting and turning my grandma, especially when my grandma is fighting (which she does often).

I want to go back to help, my grandparents raised me and I consider them more like parents. It’s especially needed since I’m much stronger than my mom and I’ve been a carer previously, both as a job, with my grandma and twice when another close family member had cancer. There’s no money for any sort of paid care help, it went to medical expenses for my grandfather’s cancer. The rest of my family is really messed up, so they aren’t any help either. She’s also not eligible for Medicare since my grandfather was a fireman and the pension/insurance stuff was done privately through the local government.

The problem is that I live in Norway and my family is in the US. I have dual Swedish citizenship and have lived all of my adult life in Europe (except when I’ve been caretaker), so it’s not like I’m here on exchange and can just return to my life in the US. I am tied into a lease and contract agreements, and my boyfriend will be left here to pay everything alone (we’re both students and work as well, and we’re in one of the most expensive countries in the world). He’s not American, so he can’t come with me anyway.

I feel sort of horrible and selfish for asking, but I need to know what sort of timeline is expected in the late stages, so that I can deal with things (like finances, job, school, etc) here before I leave. Doctors haven’t been much help, and the internet is very vague. I know it differs a lot from case to case and can turn quickly, but in your personal experience, what happened in the late stages and how long did each part last? I really appreciate anyone that’s willing to share, it’s not an easy subject.

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My grandparents are fairly extreme about their religion. I have had debates with them where they say that if I don’t believe in Jesus as my savior then I am going to hell. I retort with, "What about people that don’t know about Jesus?" They say that they are going to hell. Well, what about people that have Alzheimer’s? What if they can’t remember who Jesus is? What if they think that their kids name is Jesus? Is that blasphemous? Are they going to hell? It is my understanding that in Evangelical Protestantism one must believe Jesus to be the Messiah. I don’t think I like this God.

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3 grandparents deaths in less than three months, two of which died before her eyes (alzheimers and lou gherrigs disease) and this girl has mild-moderate anxiety. likelihood of deresison? it runs in her family
shes young too; 14

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Okay so…. a couple of days ago i thought someone was hacking my facebook because there would be comments on my friends pages and i didn’t think i would write them, like i would forget just like 5 mins after. Then my brother would tell me that i just wrote that, cause he would be right next to me. Then yesterday i went furniture shopping with my grandparents and they had this section for kids and it had gamecube, [i own a gamecube at home with the same game] so i started to play with my little cousin who was with me, i couldn’t remember which buttons to push or how to play the game. Then last night i had a dream about my brother having alzheimer’s and dieing. When i woke up my cellphone started to ring and it was my boyfriend and i said, "why did you call me, i said around noon" then he told me that i texted him in the middle of the night telling him o wake me up…. i’m really scared because i’m 13 and alzheimer’s runs in my family.. COULD these be early signs?? i’m really worried.

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Do we raise peole we really on some level dislike? And so they move away?
In other countries the grandparents help raise the children so the parents can work. The parents respect and revere their elders. Is it alzheimers or something taking the old folks from the picture?

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Here is the story:my family and I are originally from Romania except my 14 yr. old brother who was born here. So back in Romania we have my mom’s mom and dad’s parents.My dad’s parents both have diabetes and my grandfather is turning 80 this year.My parents have always given my grandparents whenever we visited them,when they visited us,etc. which my grandmother from my father’s side has always saved for bad days which they never had since their sons my dad and his brother took care of them.Last year my dad was in Romania and my grandfather had a stroke or heart attack and maybe a diabetic coma too.My dad stayed with him in the hospital but then my granfather started to have beginning of alzheimer’s and parkinson’s.Before he left my dad hired someone to take care of my grandparents(his parents) in the sense to do their shopping,clean their carpets and whatever else they needed.My grandfather would still take out the trash and buy bread but the building they live in is 40 years old and it has 4 levels (my grandparengts’ apartment is on the last level).I am mad at my grandmother because when another apartment a couple of years ago was for sale on the botton level(ground) my dad and my uncle suggested that my grandparents move but she refused because she said that she has all her memories in this apartment plus one of her best friends which is her neighbor lives across the hall from them.FF to what has happened recently which is the lady that my parents hired asking for a raise or something and my grandmother being so cheap that she said no,then my grandfather who is turning 80 this year having to do some of the grocery shopping, then he started to forget, then he lost his hearing but then he has a hearing aid yet my grandmother has no mercy on him.I swear she is so cheap that it makes me sick.She has a couple thousand dollars saved up which she would rather save then pay someone to help them with the groceries, my parents’ friends and my mom’s friends help them when possible with some more shopping but I am mad mad mad at my grandmother.I love her dearly but how can she do this to my grandfather?If he started to forget things and so forth how can she still send him out to buy groceries?Doesn’t she feel sorry for him?My dad talked on the phone with them 2 weeks ago when he found out that my grandfather fell and an ambulance had to be called,If it gets this bad and my grandfather still has to walk is she trying to put him in his deathbed before his time?My dad is mad as I am yet my parents do not any more finances to pay the lady to care of them.They have given my grandparents everything but I am sitting here mad and angry and frustrated because this summer I am supposed to visit my grandparents which I have not seen in 4 years yet feel that if I do see my grandmother on my dad’s side chaos will break loose.So what do I do?
My dad has offered advice but my grandmother is so stuborn!I love her to death but I do not want her to do this to my grandfather.If my parents cannot pay I might pay out of my own pocket and work more if that is what it takes if she is so cheap.My grandfather on my father’s side is the only grandfather I met besides my mom’s mom second husband so I have not met my grandfather on that side.I just want to help him the same way that he has helped my sister and parents when my sister and I were little.
My dad has offered advice but my grandmother is so stuborn!I love her to death but I do not want her to do this to my grandfather.If my parents cannot pay I might pay out of my own pocket and work more if that is what it takes if she is so cheap.My grandfather on my father’s side is the only grandfather I met besides my mom’s mom second husband so I have not met my grandfather on that side.I just want to help him the same way that he has helped my sister and parents when my sister and I were little.

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My fiance’s grandparents are in their nineties, and refuse to let anyone drive them anywhere. His grandmother has alzheimer’s disease, and his grandfather can barely stay awake for ten minutes.

The entire family worries about this constantly, but no one knows what to say. They almost caused a huge wreck last night. There was an entire family in the other car. We always ask them to let us drive, but they firmly refuse.

How can we keep them (and others) safe on the road?

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My brothers, 2 cousins and I were blessed with the most awesome grandparents. They practically raised all of us, including MY kids. I had always said I wanted to be a the kind of grandparent that they were. Nothing and no one could ever come close to measuring up to them. But then again we all did no wrong in their eyes. When we were little, even as teenagers (imagine that), the only place we wanted to be was at Papa and Nana’s house. When I became an adult I considered them to be my best friends. My Nana and I did everything together. Unfortunately they passed away, Nana in 1988 and Papa in 2003. When my grandmother died I took care of my grandfather. Making sure he ate, had groceries and that he knew I was there for him with more love than I think he realized.

At one point I noticed that there were times when he would repeat a story he had just told me. Then he started calling me "Babe" most of the time. I figured out that he had the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s. My mother wasn’t speaking to him or me at that time and my uncle lived in NV. I called him and told him that he needed to do something to help his father. Medication, a doctor, whatever he needed. He never came. My daughters, my youngest cousin and myself took turns staying with him. There were times when he didn’t have a clue who we were. He had pulled out knives, his rifle or anything he could grab that was handy to him and threatened us. He usually would accuse us of breaking in and trying to rob him. Trust me, it got really bad sometimes. Especially for my daughter, she was pregnant during the worst of it.

Before his memory started going he had showed me his will. It stated that one third of his estate would go to my uncle, one third to myself and one third was to be divided between my brothers, cousins and his great grandchildren. One dollar to be given to my mother. He retired from the ship yards, worked there for most of his life. When he passed away my mom and uncle couldn’t collect on his insurance from the government because when I was born he added me as a beneficiary. So they were told they needed a form completed from everyone he listed in order to send payments. My mother was so mad. We each received a check for 00. But I felt in my heart there was nothing material or monetary that anyone could give me that had belonged to them or they would leave me that meant more to me than all the love, hugs and kisses I had received from them while they were alive. No child could have asked for anything better.

Here’s where I need help. Does anyone know how I would go about finding a copy of that will? Because doesn’t it say somewhere in it "being of sound mind and body"? When he showed it to me he was. I just recently discovered that my mom and uncle took the bulk of his estate. My brothers and one of my cousins received ,000 each. My other cousin and my daughters each received ,000. I received nothing except what I mentioned before. My brothers had barely gone to visit with him let alone help with caring for him. My cousin hadn’t set foot in my grandparents house even before my grandmother had passed away. It seemed to me like she couldn’t be bothered with him. She had never called him. You know, just to say hello, I love you Papa, nothing. It was as if she didn’t even know him.

It’s not that I’m looking to be paid but, right is right. All of them getting money for doing absolutely nothing for my grandfather when he needed his family more than anything. While those who did step up basically got sh** upon.

Any advice given, bad or good, will be really appreciated.
I don’t have a copy of it and can’t remember who drew it up for him.

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My grandparents moved 100 miles away to help my Uncle financially. They bought a house, gave him some land beside it to put up his home and some money to get going again after his divorce. Short story is that he never lifted a finger to return the favor even though they are old and failing and he is able bodied. He wouldn’t even help them carry in wood in the snow! We found out that he "needed" their signature and SSN’s for his tax forms in 2007 because he told them that the government would "give him money to help him take care of them" although he has never cared for them. They did not understand that he was claiming them as dependants. They thought they were co-signing a governement loan! Can my grandparents go to prison for tax fraud?! My Mamaw doesn’t even know our names most of the time! She is in the early stages of Alzheimer’s. They had no idea that they were being conned. We just found this out and would not let them sign anything else for this rogue son.
Mistake. They signed for 2006. We moved them home and would not them them sign for 2007 or anything else for that matter.

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Okay, here’s the deal. My brother "J" and I have had pretty hard lives. Growing up, our mother was a single parent who struggled to support us while our father was pretty much playing house with another family. The only times that we saw him was for family gatherings or if our mother made the effort to get us to him. When I turned 10, my mother sent J (who is 2 years older than me) to stay with our father because he was getting out of control. When I turned 11, she became involved with an old friend and he got her on drugs. From the ages of 12 to 13 I lived with her parents. During this time my grandmother’s Alzheimer’s was progressing and my grandfather had a stroke, so I was (sort of) taking care of them. At 13, I was forced to move in with our father (my aunt moved my grandparents to California). At that point, I pretty much lost contact with our mother. I knew the general area that she lived in and whenever I had the opportunity I would go "hunt" her down just to see her. This continued until I was 19 and decided to move to Dallas to get away from family (issues with my dad and step mom).

Any time I visited home, I would go and look for her. I had my first child and at 5 months, he contracted Meningitis and had a lot of serious medical issues/problems as a result (severe brain damage, CP, etc.) and had to see specialists until he passed away 3 years ago. During his 5 1/2 years of life, my mother only saw him 1 time. While he was still alive, I resented her because she wasn’t there for me, to help me not only deal with being a mother for the first time, but also because I almost lost my child and had to deal with a lot caring for a special needs child and had no support from her. Upon returning to Pgh after his funeral, my best friend went and found her (at that point, she had no idea that he had passed) and let me speak with her. Our conversation lasted a total of 30 seconds and consisted of her asking me if I’m alright a few times (what could she possibly expect me to say to that?) and then saying she had to go because she was on her way to work. This was the last contact I had with her.

J was in jail for a little over 5 years (right before he turned himself in, we found out he had Schizophrenia and this is what caused him to do most of the things that led up to jail time) and when he got out, he kept telling me he wanted to find our mother, help our mother, etc. I moved back to Pgh briefly (needed therapy to deal with the loss of my son and surgery to help Endometriosis) and during this time I never saw her. He located her right before I moved to Chicago and said she wanted him to bring me and my other son to visit her. I told him that I didn’t feel like it at the time (right before he told me this, I spoke with our aunt (mother’s sister) and she told me that our mother did drugs (including speed) when she was pregnant with J, and he knows nothing about it).

In the past 1 1/2 years, he was back in jail for parole violation and just recently got out. He called me a few weeks ago for my birthday and mentioned giving her my phone number and saying that he wants me to come and visit them. I told him that I really didn’t think that was going to happen anytime soon, but didn’t elaborate much on why, just said that as a mother, I can’t understand some of the decisions she has made and don’t feel the connection that he does with her anymore.

My (current) problem is this: I don’t know if I should tell him about her drug use during her pregnancy with him. He continues to want both of us to have a relationship with her, despite everything that we’ve been through (inadvertently) because of her. I think that if he knew about the drug use (which I think may have caused some of the mental issues he has) he might feel differently, but I’m not sure if it’s my place to tell him and I don’t want it to affect our relationship, but I feel he has a right to know.
Precious Gem – Thanks for the advice, fortunately for me, I’m okay as far as her drug use is concerned. I have dealt with depression (for obvious reasons) and have Endometriosis (hereditary) but other than that, my health is okay.

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