Caring for Alzheimer's

Posts Tagged ‘parents’

I answered the proposal with, If you dont have a problem with me taking my DYING breath to care for my parents, then YES we can get married, if you have a problem with that, then NO, we do not need to get married. I would care for his parents as well. Well both parents are disabled, one paralyzed where I use lifts, etc., requiring 24/7 care. Last July we bought a house and moved my parents in, my stepdad in a garage, he requires the 24/7 and smokes… My mom upstairs because she is on oxygen 24/7… All was fine til DEC 2010 when my stepdaughter called me a bitch and was never even corrected, as she would threaten to move back to grannys or cut. My husband condoned the behavior as my fault. So, I figured ok, unconditional love… all step children at one time or another will call thier stepparent a B….. at one time or another. In FEB 2011, she called her granny and told a lie on me… five or six weeks went by… One morning, I asked my husband if anyone was planning to correct the issue… He sat without saying anything, like NO nothing was going to be corrected. So, at this point I told him, Well, in this case you cannot blame the child… She learned from the best. He left and went fishing, while fishing… sent me a text that said, I WILL HAVE YOU DIVORCE PAPERS TO SIGN IN TEN DAYS. Nothing else. Well, I am in our house with 2 disabled parents and chose to move my parents back into their home, and had the power and water turned on and had movers the next day move. I moved to, because my stepdad is 24/7 care. So, now… we both decided to work things out… With us both putting in an effort to make things work. My sister has been coming 3 days a week, spending 2 nights so I can spend time with husband. (Only, she is not physically able to get him up or put him to bed, due to neck surgeries.) He has been complaining and saying it is not enough time. He NEVER comes to spend time with me as he feels it all should be at OUR house. Now, he wants me to have my parents in a nursing home… I brought my caregiving to his attention before we married and the ONLY reason we are in separate houses is because of the text he sent where he chose NOT to correct his child for lying. (He is a correctional officer.) His mom was against the marriage before it happened… and I believe he chose not to correct her for any repercution he may get from his mom. Well, the ONLY effort he puts in is he texts me… Never asks me to meet him at the park, get an ice cream, take a ride (as I can usually leave for an hour or so). It is ALL on me to come to OUR house, I personally feel as though he is punishing me for caring for my parents, by not putting any effort towards our marriage. Like I said, I can usually leave for an hour or so, come back, make a quick check and leave again for an hour or so, as long as everything is ok. I have NOT been spending any EXTRA time with him since March, he has put forth NO effort to spend time with me. I know we are deeply in NEED of counseling and he refuses. I was in an 18 year relationship that ended in infidelity and THAT was easier to deal with than to feel like I have to DEFEND taking care of my parent’s everyday for the rest of my life… My heart is aching while trying to remain strong to be able to care for my parents. I love my husband, and my parent’s very much! There is so much more to this… PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE if you took time to read this give me your HONEST opinions!!!!!!!!

My husband and I would like to be stable someday – large savings, no debt, house of our own, car paid off, etc. But it seems so impossible.

I work 32 hours a week (no chance of going full time right now – positions are frozen at my company because of the economy). Other jobs in my field (mental health, caregiving) only pay hour, and I make .87. As I’m not full time, we don’t get benefits.

My husband is a full time student – half of his tuition is covered by Fin Aid, the rest is out of pocket. He has not worked in almost 11 months.

I have 0 of debt (no student loans). When we met, my husband had ,500 of debt, all in credit cards. We’ve gone through the cycle of paying them down, and raising them up when I changed jobs and we lived on credit for a few months. We’re still recovering.

Monthly, I take home about 00-00. I only make around 20k after taxes each year.

We have our car payment, rent, monthly bills, gas, groceries, etc etc etc. After all is said and done, we don’t have anything left over at the end of my paycheck. I keep maticulous financial records and we know where every penny is going – all to bills. We do not buy anything frivilous at all – we nipped that in the bud when we got married. We haven’t even gone out for lunch at mcdonalds in a year. The dollar menu is a little too pricy.

We live in the cheapest place we could find (0/month), and I bought the car from my dad’s dealership so my payments are very reasonable.

I guiltly accepted an offer from my parents to be added to their cell phone plan, which I need for work, so we only pay /month for our phones.

Having only one income makes it difficult, but we get by. We get the bills paid, and still have a roof over our head. I realize though, that we can’t live like this forever. In a few years, we would like to start looking into buying a house, but how on earth can I save 30k for the down payment, pay off the debt, AND keep our bills paid up?

Looking for another job really is not an option right now – I work in the field I went to school for (psychology), at the only mental health organization in our county. If I went somewhere else, I would surely make less.

Sorry for this being so long, I have a lot weighing on my mind.
Sorry forgot to mention:

Total savings: .
Total debt: ,000, not including car.
We still have 3 years left of our car loan – we can’t give it back now lol. But thank you for the advice. As for my husband quitting school – he did one online class this summer, and this fall will be his first quarter taking a full load in 3 years. For 9 months he sat on his bum all day (I dont want to get into how messy our house is because he wont clean). I work nights, and getting a weekend job would be great if I had a set schedule – which I dont Rock…meet hard place.
I worked two part time jobs all four years I was in school, which I went full time. My husband has a hard time concentrating, which is why he left school before. He has a year left before he gets his AA

Would this be ok to have this 2nd home go in to foreclosure? We bought my parents home 5 years ago so they could have money for caregiving/nursing home. We paid 0,000 and mo payments are 00. They lived in it up until 2 years ago, we put the home on the market for 0,000 for quick sale per real estate person, then market fell out, It is on a lake, very nice area, underpriced for other homes, I have been thru 4 realtors, we currently have it for 5,000, no one wants to buy anything regardless of what they say, we tried to rent it and have to evict the tenant, no payments, We have run out of our life savings to try and keep this on the market to sell, We live in Florida the home is in Washington State. The cost of maintaining the home, lawn care, elect, water and sewer runs 0 a month on top of the 00. I do not know what to do anymore, we don’t have any more money to put in something that we don’t use and can’t sell, We own a company – how would this effect us if it forecloses? … HELPFUL ADVISE WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED.

I divorced my ex amicably 2 yrs ago. We lived 1 mile from each other, and I didn’t fight for primary custody, we went for joint. All good, right? Well, I moved back in with my parents 18 months ago, and my ex and his new wife and kids moved to the opposite coast. My father and my brother have criticized me repeatedly about not fighting for custody of my son.

This is painful for me. My mother was never any help in caregiving for my son, but my ex had a big family ready and willing to help. Not only was my mother not a help, but she put me through emotional abuse from 12 to about 15. Right around 15 I was old enough to tell her to screw off, lol……but when my son visited me over spring break, my mother called him an asshole, because he was playing with and therefore working up her dogs. He was not mean to the dogs, he was playing.

My father knows my mother is this way, but still holds it against ME that I don’t want my son raised with her. And my bro doesn’t get it.

Both of parents developed Alzheimer’s and it scares me especially since I already have a hard time focusing and remembering and I’m only 39. Thank you

My roommate, who I have lived with for 11 years, has an elderly mother who is showing very many signs of alzheimer’s. I have known my roommates family since I was a teenager they are kind of like family.

I have nothing against elderly drivers if they can operate their vehicle properly and are safe. Unfortunately I don’t think my roommates mother falls into this category anymore. I found out how poorly she drove when I was actually letting her test drive a car that I was thinking of selling. When I was in the car with her I was starting to fear for my life. She drifts over the center line, over corrects and doesn’t apply the right amount of pressure to the gas pedal. Making her go either too fast or way to slow sometimes. She also gets disoriented easily.

Just yesterday one of her daughters took her to lunch then when they got to her house she turned around and asked her daughter "Who are you?" Then her daughter said "It’s me Kate" Then she said "You don’t look like my Kate." She also has trouble working her appliances so I feel strongly she shouldn’t be driving. I have to go over and reteach her how to use her TV about once a month and I know she gets help from others with it too. I also have to show her how to use her stove. I don’t mind I am just concerned.

My roommate just lost her 80 year old father a few months ago and whenever I mention her mother she just doesn’t want to talk about and gets mad and says her mother "Isn’t showing signs of Alzheimer’s! She just gets confused!"

I don’t want to upset her and I know it is hard to see your parents lose their independence but we are talking about people’s lives here. She could fatally injure herself and/or someone else if she mistakes the gas for the brake or a green light for a red light.

My roommate says she is fine because she doesn’t drive at night and she only drives around town but I don’t think this is enough. I know someone who had an elderly stepmother run over and kill someone. I also see stories on the news of elderly drivers running their cars through a farmers market or through stores mistaking the gas for the brake.

She has just bought a new car from her grandson. Which I was sad to see. I decided to not sell her my car after going on the test drive because I wouldn’t want the guilt if she hurt someone using a car I sold her knowing she was a bad driver.

So my question is can I secretly call the BMV and tell them what is going on and would they help? I don’t want to make anyone angry but this is serious. I also don’t want any drama but I have mentioned it to her family members quite a few times and they are minimizing the situation and acting like it doesn’t exist.

I heard her daughter was already contacted once by her doctor concerning her mothers driving and getting her memory tested. Then the daughter said she doesn’t really like that doctor and was irritated by what the doctor said. Should her doctor be the one to call the BMV?

I know many people would say it isn’t my business but She is almost like a second mother to me and I don’t want to see her hurt herself or someone else.

Anyone have any advice?

My roommate, who I have lived with for 11 years, has an elderly mother who is showing very many signs of alzheimer’s. I have known my roommates family since I was a teenager they are kind of like family.

I have nothing against elderly drivers if they can operate their vehicle properly and are safe. Unfortunately I don’t think my roommates mother falls into this category anymore. I found out how poorly she drove when I was actually letting her test drive a car that I was thinking of selling. When I was in the car with her I was starting to fear for my life. She drifts over the center line, over corrects and doesn’t apply the right amount of pressure to the gas pedal. Making her go either too fast or way to slow sometimes. She also gets disoriented easily.

Just yesterday one of her daughters took her to lunch then when they got to her house she turned around and asked her daughter "Who are you?" Then her daughter said "It’s me Kate" Then she said "You don’t look like my Kate." She also has trouble working her appliances so I feel strongly she shouldn’t be driving. I have to go over and reteach her how to use her TV about once a month and I know she gets help from others with it too. I also have to show her how to use her stove. I don’t mind I am just concerned.

My roommate just lost her 80 year old father a few months ago and whenever I mention her mother she just doesn’t want to talk about and gets mad and says her mother "Isn’t showing signs of Alzheimer’s! She just gets confused!"

I don’t want to upset her and I know it is hard to see your parents lose their independence but we are talking about people’s lives here. She could fatally injure herself and/or someone else if she mistakes the gas for the brake or a green light for a red light.

My roommate says she is fine because she doesn’t drive at night and she only drives around town but I don’t think this is enough. I know someone who had an elderly stepmother run over and kill someone. I also see stories on the news of elderly drivers running their cars through a farmers market or through stores mistaking the gas for the brake.

She has just bought a new car from her grandson. Which I was sad to see. I decided to not sell her my car after going on the test drive because I wouldn’t want the guilt if she hurt someone using a car I sold her knowing she was a bad driver.

So my question is can I secretly call the BMV and tell them what is going on and would they help? I don’t want to make anyone angry but this is serious. I also don’t want any drama but I have mentioned it to her family members quite a few times and they are minimizing the situation and acting like it doesn’t exist.

I heard her daughter was already contacted once by her doctor concerning her mothers driving and getting her memory tested. Then the daughter said she doesn’t really like that doctor and was irritated by what the doctor said. Should her doctor be the one to call the BMV?

I know many people would say it isn’t my business but She is almost like a second mother to me and I don’t want to see her hurt herself or someone else.

Anyone have any advice?
I see some trolls are biting but I hope to get some serious replies too.
@ roger Thanks for giving me some serious feedback :] It’s nice to know someone else has been in this situation. I am definitely call the BMV tomorrow and look up and see if I can find something to fill out online. I really don’t want to see anyone get hurt but if she continues to drive even just around town someone is bound to get hurt. The car she has been driving has dents all over it so I know she is bumping into stuff.

I just googled elderly drivers to see if there was any info and I was bombarded with stories of serious accidents that are happening almost everyday by elderly who were driving when they shouldn’t have been.

If the BMV doesn’t help I will call her doctor to see if they can have her license pulled.

My daughter’s father sent me a parenting time agreement for visitation and what not. He wants to claim her on taxes every other year. He has no job. Sees her 3 days out of 14, at most. We were never married and live in Minnesota. I pay our rent, buy food, clothes, and everything else. Pay all daycare. Carry her insurance. Does he have any right to claim her? He lives with his parents and they do all of her caregiving when its ‘his’ weekend. Have you been through this? What happened?

Family members and individuals are provided steps to take when signs of Alzheimers are presented from how to obtain a diagnosis, how to respond, how to choose the right type of care, and what to look for when full care is needed.

I’m the youngest of the family. My siblings all live across the country, in different cities. I care for both my parents. My dad has Alzheimers and I go tuck him in bed every single night at the nursing home. My mom had a mini-stroke in July and I visit her everyday, go eat dinner at her place, do the laundry, etc. Apart from that, I have a daughter and my own business to take care of. Yes, my plate is more than full. My siblings are pretty much not involved, except for yearly visits. When I talk to them about being far away, they say that I’m meant to be where I am and that’s just the way it is. Very nice indeed. Now, would it be too much to ask of them to come down to visit and stay with my mom for 2 weeks during the year? Let’s say, 2 weeks per sibling (I have 3 of them). That way, I could do what I long to do and just have a break. They could spend their 2 weeks here doing what I do every day. Problem is, the return trip costs over ,000.00 and some of them can’t afford it. My mom could probably pay but I don’t think it’s up to her to do that. I’m here all the time and don’t get paid. Is this too much to ask of them? I wish they’d offer that on their own and that I didn’t have to request this. What do you think?